It is with great concern that I write to to you as God's only true representative on Earth. It seems that some of your Irish bishops have been very naughty - very naughty indeed.
Some bishops in your country of Ireland have shown an inadequate response to the problem of a tiny proportion of priests (no more than 5% - tops) having sex with your children. Before you get all too concerned, let's not forget that other people abuse children too. Indeed there are more abusers outside the church than inside, so let's keep things in proportion, OK?
Coincidentally, a few bishops in other far flung places in the globe have behaved exactly the same - I can't think why. Thank God I handled things so much better when I was an archbishop. But don't dwell on this, just remember how brilliant the Irish church is. I'll pray for you to get over the mess you've made of everything. Remember too how your forefathers stood up to protestants and remained stubbornly loyal to the Holy See. What a bunch of selfish traitors you'd be to give up on that loyalty to me now. You've all been getting a bit too secular nowadays and haven't been paying enough attention to what I tell you to do. Now look where it's got you.
None of this would've happened if people followed orders. Unfortunately, a few rogue Irish bishops, doubtless through a misplaced loyalty to the reputation of the Church, haven't notified the proper ecclesiastical authorities and so haven't done the cover up properly. I've done everything I could to clean up after the Irish bishops' total bumbling incompetence on this, stonewalling every request for cooperation from the police. I told the Irish bishops to find out the truth, then bury it as quickly as possible but they even messed that up.
I really am most terribly sorry that some of you were raped by Irish homosexual priests. For some reason, in a society where being gay was an imprisonable offence, we seemed to attract a lot of them. I've known about the whole thing for decades, but now that everyone else knows about it, I really am very sorry. It must be awful for you, especially when you spoke out and were threatened and leaned on to shutup just like in every other diocese in the world. (Anyone would think someone had sent secret instructions to all the bishops telling them to hush the whole thing up.) But please don't worry, we've started an even more intense persecution of homosexuals. Yeah! And if you come back to us in a spirit of penitence and humility, we'll welcome you back to the Church and will happily hear your confessions and forgive all your sins again.
To the priests who caused all this trouble for me, you've been very, very, very bad indeed. Very bad. Don't do it again or you'll have to be moved to yet another parish.
To parents, I can only say that it is every child's right to be brought up a Catholic. It's a great shame that in so doing some of them have been scarred for life, some have even killed themselves (which I need to remind you is a mortal sin and so they won't go to Heaven), but on the plus side they still got to hear about how great we are.
To children - stay Catholic. It's really important that you keep contributing funds, kneeling in front of us and kissing our rings. It makes us feel really important you know.
To Irish bishops - for god's sake get your act together. This is a PR disaster.
To all the faithful of Ireland, I hope these words of encouragement and support make you feel much better. You face a difficult task after the mess that you and secularists have made of things. But don't worry, the priests of Ireland are right behind you and they're willing to go all the way with you.
And now to specific steps that I'm going to take to address all of this. First I think you should pray a lot. Pray really, really hard. Next, come to Confession more, and come back to the Adoration of the Eucharist a bit more too - congregations are getting a bit too patchy and takings are down. I'd also like the Bishops to go on retreat, do a bit more praying, a bit more apologising and figure out how you're going to handle this a bit better next time round.
And now, a prayer for Ireland. Dear Jesus - keep everybody Catholic. Amen.
There - now that everything's fixed, I've said I'm sorry, can we please move on.
"Platitude of the Day" See it here.
6 comments:
How sad it is that a handful of ungodly men can keep our Lord from coming into the lives of hurting people. My heart goes out to you and all the victims of sexual and child abuse. I can only say that our Holy God will have the last word when judgment day comes to all who have committed such heinous crimes against our children.
God bless, Lloyd
Cant the child raping priests confess and still go to heaven? Isn't that how your holy book says itworks?
Only God knows the heart of another person. If it is a sincere and true repentant then God forgives. But the sincere and true repentant person does not go out and do the same thing over again and again and again. If a person continues to sin, then that person does not have Christ in them.
I have arrested these sick and depraved, not worthy to be called human beings, and 90% of them just uses the system and claim to have "Got Religion" just to get out of staying out of jail or to get out of jail.
It just makes me sick at my stomach on how the Church, particularly the Roman Catholic Church, will cover up such things in the name of Jesus. There should be no cover-ups on any crime committed by the clergy "priests" or anyone who the general public puts their trusts in, particular the trust of their children.
Pedophiles always gather where they have access to children to satisfy their perverted sexual desires. They cannot be reformed and must be exposed to save some innocent child from suffering. It is not just the church that has this problem, it is also the schools, scouting, or any place where children may be present. Our Holy God is a loving and a merciful God, but when it comes to sin, God shows no mercy.
I am aware that you are probably very well versed in the Word of God, so I am not going to quote scriptures relating to “forgiveness”, “salvation” or any other doctrine. I can only suggest that only good comes from God and evil comes from Satan. I still have a hard time myself understanding why God allows bad things to happen, but I do understand the “free will” of mankind, and that being a Christian does not shield me against someone who want to do me harm. But, whatever happens to me I will always have the Lord with me and if God wants to intervene, that’s His will, but if not, He is still there.
Hi Lloyd
I used to work for an agency that supported child witnesses in Court and I worked with a few victims of abues when they were adults.
I don't share your heaven and hell take on life. Sorry. I was being 'tongue in cheek'. I thought you may have guessed from my blog, my views on religion.
It it were any other organisation, its head would have been had in for questioning now. Many of the abusers have died now and they won't be getting any punishment as there is no 'afterlife'. They effectively got away with raping children in the name of god.
I did get the idea that you were not a Christian by what I have read on your blog posts and comments you have made on other Christian blogs. I do however respect your views on whether there is a God or not, or if there is a Heaven or Hell. At one time in my life I had the same view as yours. I to worked with victims of child abuse and became very bitter and somewhat hostile towards the "Suspects".
Just wanted you to know that Jesus loves you even though you don't believe in such nonsense. As you are probably well aware, the Bible tells us that the Word of God is rubbish to those who do not believe, but it's the Power of God to those who believe.
I really do enjoy reading your blog and comments that you post on other blogs because it brings out what a person really believes or what he doesn't believe regarding the afterlife. God bless, Lloyd
Hi Lloyd
I am pleased that you get something from my blog. I don't do much with it as very few people drop by. Have you seen my website?
I don't want the love of your god. I am a bit choosy and I don't want to get into a relationship with someone who will love me regardless- and anyone else as well. I don't think he is a 'just' god or a particularly good one. I am afraid it would be too one-sided and would end in disaster.
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