Pain

I haven't been here for a while and I am amazed to find I have four followers. I used to look every day in the hope that I had at least one and no-one ever materialised.

I am going to try really hard from now on to post something regularly. It's interesting how I think I have all the answers (in a broad sense) when it comes to gods and religion but can I sort out my own life? No chance!

It must be so tempting for people to turn to a higher power because it is absolute shite knowing that I only have myself to hold to account for the situation that I am in. I can't blame god or look on it as a test of faith. I need to do something. No prayeres or divine inspiration or advice from a man of the cloth.

I recall a song by Slade many years ago. It never made it onto an album. It was a 'B side' called, "I'm me, I'm now and that's all". That pretty much sums it up. I'm not looking anywhere else for inspiration and I know I am causing others pain. I'm sat on the other side of a wall from the person who I thought would be my best friend and lover until one of us died. Now I know it cannot be. I have to find somewhere between self-preservation and doing what I think I 'should'. Talking of songs, I recall the line in "The Boys of Summer" that said, "You can never look back, you must never look back". It's hard though to draw a line and move on knowing the pain I have caused.